Trapped

I find that when you keep me cooped up, I'm not happy. I need to explore what this world has to offer me and honestly how can anyone be happy staying in one place? It's ridiculous. I'm not about this life anymore. My wanderlust needs to be satiated before I can continue a "normal" life. I need to be doing something constantly.  There's no reason to stay home all the time.

I'm my own best friend...

This may sound like I don't appreciate what I have, but I feel empty and a little aggravated. 

I feel like everyone I associate myself with doesn't completely understand me and I honestly feel like no one's really tried that hard. It kinda makes sense since I tend to be more introverted, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy being social or opening up. I'm the type of person who won't tell you anything unless I'm asked. I have to be sure there's a genuine interest because I absolutely hate forced conversation and fake friendliness.

That's besides the point though. My issue is that whenever I talk to someone about my internal struggles and general issues, it feels like they don't really care. I could be wrong, maybe that person just doesn't know what to say, but goddamn... I'd rather hear a joke about my struggles than to feel like I've just wasted my time speaking to someone. This happens with a lot of my friends and it makes me feel so alone. I feel like I'm always the one giving advice and giving my friends the push and confidence to move forward in their lives. I don't get that shit in return. I never really felt good after talking to a friend. A lot of the time, I feel more unsure about myself and I second guess myself to no end. 

I don't want to feel like I'm alone anymore. I want someone to actually listen and comprehend what I'm telling them when I say I'm not feeling like myself. When I tell them my heart is aching because I feel like I'm working towards nothing at all and I'm just not satisfied with where I am in life. I don't need you to offer me a job or to help me look for one at that. I just need some reassurance that everything is going to be ok. I don't need you to tell me what I did wrong to end up in this position. JUST FUCKING TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE OK. 

Outfit of the Day

Canon ball into the water

When I was younger,  I took the whole "be nice to people" too seriously. It's taken me almost twenty years to realize I don't have to please anyone but myself.

However,  putting this new mindset into practice isn't exactly easy. I've made a lot of progress so far,  but I still have a lot to learn and to overcome.

I'm still very dependent on people's approval and it holds me back. I also worry too much about what i say and how i say it. E0

I'm confident, but only on certain things and even then it can come crashing down in one fumbled sentence.